I'm Baaaaack!

I'm back. I can write again. So I come back to blogging and they have added all of these new fangled things to blogging! Please bare or is it bear with me while I try to figure it all out. I worked so hard changing my picture at the top but can't quite figure out how to get black lettering so you can see it better. Ugh. And of course even though I have 5, count 'em 5 teenagers and one computer literate hubby, they get too aggravated to help me figure it out. The next thing I know I get an elbow to the gut, "move over mom and just let me do it", complete with eyeball roll and highly audible sigh. After 5 minutes Call of Duty is calling to them and I am once again left to my own devices. My husband just takes the computer away, and an hour later after much cursing (and a few rounds of rum and cokes) he will hand me the computer and say, "I don't know what you did but I can't fix it'..... and I am left sweating and pressing buttons only to end up with what I started with. And that is before I have written a single thing! I just want to get to the writing. So I am back. Be prepared. A lot has happened since we last spoke and there is always more to come! And yes, always room for one more.

Apology

I want to apologize to all of my readers. I am so sorry I haven't written before this. I just couldn't.

The director of the mission where I am a missionary felt that it was not a good idea for the missionaries to have a blog or a facebook and I was told this back in March. I had to make a decision. If I wanted to be a missionary I had to give up my blog. It broke my heart so much that I haven't looked at my blog or anyone else's since then. I decided to make another year of promises back on Divine Mercy Sunday and gave up my blog. It has been very difficult for me.

I just now am able to start reading other blogs and I will check in on my friends in the blogging world within the next few days. I am giving up my blog for now, but I make my missionary promise one year at a time, so if I ever decide that God has another plan for me, I will be back to writing.

If you want to keep in touch with me, my email address is missionmama@roadrunner.com. Please feel free to write to me. I am allowed to make comments on other people's blogs and so I will be able to keep in touch too.

Please keep me in your prayers. I am still unsettled about all of this but I want to live God's will for my life. For right now, this is it, and out of obedience, I give up my blog.

My hubby did not become a missionary this year due to being in school and a promotion at work- yea! But he is so wonderful and so supportive! I am blessed.

Thank you everyone for all of your support!

In His Mercy, Michelle

The Song I Played In Our 5000 Sq. Ft Hotel Room

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We danced in the dining room. It was so romantic!

My Wonderful Birthday

My birthday was Saturday and I had the most amazing day! It was just awesome. I got to go to Mass at the Carmelites with my son John Paul, and my friend Ellen and her son. Then I got to spend time with my spiritual director. I love my time with her, it is so precious to me. She is my best friend and mentor.

In the afternoon I took my two youngest girls to Chuck E Cheese for a mission child's birthday party. It was absolutely insane, about five hundred kids and their parents, twenty birthday parties all going on at the same time, one hundred crying children, and lots and lots of noise. And my girls had a ball. Teresa cried because she didn't want to leave.

Then the best thing of all!! My hubby and I went to spend the night at the Hyatt. He got an off season deal on their VIP suite and surprised me. 5000 sq. ft of a suite! Bigger than my house. Two bathrooms, a dining room, a bar area, a sitting area. A jacuzzi tub, stereo system, flat screen tv... the works. It was amazing!!! He also took me out to dinner, but I could not get over that room!! At night from the window of the sitting room I could see the city of Buffalo, the lights were so amazing. It was stunningly beautiful. I felt like a queen.

Do I have the best husband in the world or what? Oh, did I mention that he had two dozen roses waiting for me on the bed, two dozen purple roses, my favorite color. And a romantic card.

Is there any question why we have been married twenty years! The man outdoes himself every time. He gets better and better.

It was the best birthday I ever had. Thank You God for my hubby, my spiritual mama, my children and my family. And a special thanks for my friends near and far who sent many greetings. I am a blessed, blessed woman.

Lighter, Fluffier Me, Well, Maybe Not

I have been writing such serious stuff lately, I thought maybe I would write something a bit more light. But I have to write about the things I think about,or am going through, and lately, it hasn't been light.

Today, I was thinking that I need to shut up. Sometimes, I just need to shut up. I don't allow the kids to use that phrase, in fact, in our household it is equivalent to a four letter word. But it is appropriate in this case.

I decided today that I need to stop myself from saying what I am thinking sometimes. I wish I had a built-in pause button, so I could stop to think, "Are you about to say something negative about someone?", and if the answer is "Yes", I would then redirect myself. And stop the verbal garbage from coming out.

Did you ever notice that even if you catch yourself in the middle of it, and you are standing there thinking, "I know I shouldn't be saying these things, maybe I should just stop now", a part of you thinks, "What the hay, I am already into this, why stop now?" and that is the part of you that wins out. Even if the teensy, weensy part of you is feeling like it took a football to the gut, you just can't stop the verbal diarrhea.

So, during Mass today, I prayed that God would help me to change this in myself. That even if I forget and am in the middle of it, I will have the strength and grace to stop. Apologize and change the subject. Sometimes, I feel like St. Faustina, who became discouraged when resolving to change something and then totally blowing it in the first hour. I, even more than St. Faustina, rely on myself. And I can't do that.

I need God to change my heart. I need God to change my thoughts. That is where the damage starts. In my heart and in my mind.

But I know one thing for sure, it has to change, right here, right now. And I need God's grace to do that. I am working on my holiness. With God's guidance, grace and love.

Even though like St. Faustina, I know once I get through one obstacle, ten more will take it's place. Life. Leads us to heaven, right?

Beautiful Funeral

Penny's funeral yesterday was so beautiful. The church was full and it was just so wonderful to see all the lives she touched through the years.

Today I feel a bit empty. It's weird. When you concentrate on one thing for weeks at a time and then it's gone. Just so strange. Some moments I feel like a fish out of water.

It doesn't help that the dryer still isn't fixed. And it looks like my hubby's car has pretty bad issues.

Our days have been long. Sometimes I feel like I am on a ride that doesn't stop and I am going nowhere! And everything I touch breaks on it!!!!!

I was hoping for a snow day tomorrow. Maybe catch up on a few things. But I forget. We live in Buffalo. Not even snow days go the way you want here!!!

Fasting from my computer again tomorrow. Be back on Saturday hopefully! God willing.

Friday. I will be offering it all up!

Sending My Penny's Soul Off Tomorrow

Tomorrow we will send my dear friend's soul off to heaven. We are having her funeral Mass tomorrow morning. We have a viewing first, then the Mass. Please pray for me.

You all know I am happy for Penny. And a bit jealous too. I mean, she is talking with Jesus. She doesn't have any more worries about bills, or illness, or anything. Just Jesus.

At the same time. I miss her. I miss taking care of her. I miss talking with her. The sense of loss is greater at times than others.

So please pray for me. Tomorrow is going to be a day. And a half.

Jesus, I trust in You.