I love this time of year. The smells, the cool weather, (sweater weather) the beautiful trees. I just love when the trees change colors. Vibrant reds, yellows, oranges, even the brown ones. I just love the way it looks. So cozy and warm. It makes me think of a warm drink, sugary donuts, or apple pie.
So I was thinking about how interesting it is that for the tree to look that beautiful it has to be dying. In its dying the colors become bright and beautiful. So when we look at them, all we see is the beauty, not the dying.
And then I started to think about people. Don't you think that when we die to ourselves we are beautiful to God? It's hard, so hard sometimes to do that. And I also honestly think moms do it more than anyone else. Okay, so I am biased, but still, think about it. We are always putting aside things that we would like to do for the sake of our family. Like right now, I am frantically writing this because Teresa is next to me and just won't go to sleep. She just wants her mommy time. So instead of having the room to myself, sitting quietly with a cup of tea, and the TV off, I have a four year old asking me questions about donuts because of what she is seeing on the food channel! So my compromise, answering questions, typing next to her, so I can at least get something done!!! Not the way I had hoped, but Teresa is my priority right now. I have to die to myself.
I am not so good at it. Maybe I am more like a brown leaf. Not quite as beautiful. I mean, I wish I could do it without resentment and with a smile on my face. I don't always get it down exactly that way! Sometimes I do, but most times, oh, I am fighting this huge battle inside. It is hard to die to yourself. That sounds funny doesn't it. I mean, if it was easy, every one would be doing it, right?
I get better little by little. One of these days I am going to look like a beautiful red leaf to God. But for now, I will put the computer aside and hold my little one in my lap and kiss her sweet face.
Dying to myself, one step at a time.