Thursday, November 12, 2009

God Sees Me

I am a part of a study group that meets monthly and discusses St. Faustina and her diary. We met tonight for the second time and I think I am going to love it, because it is a small intimate group. We discuss Faustina, we discuss different topics from her diary and we also share our own thoughts.

Tonight we were sharing two things: How do I see God, and how does God see me? This was difficult for me to answer. Not how I see God. That was the easy part. I see Him as the most wonderful thing I could ever imagine, a mystery that is too profound to even describe. He is love, but even stronger than love, just too hard to put into words. A mystery that I will not fully comprehend until I am in heaven.

Now, how does He see me. Well, that depends on the day, my mood, how many times I think that I totally messed up, and whether or not I am understanding of His plan for me. Most of the time, I have absolutely no idea what God thinks of me. I could not answer that question today. There are some days, quite honestly, when I think God loves every one but me. That somehow I have messed things up so badly, even though it is common knowledge that God loves every one, that somehow, He just doesn't love me.

And then there are other times when I feel like one of my favorite songs by a Christian band called Watermark, a song called "Who Am I?". The refrain speaks to my heart:

"Who am I that You would love me so gently?

Who am I that You would recognize my name?

Lord, who am I that You would speak to me so softly,

conversation with the love most high,

Who am I?"

In those moments, I know that He loves me, knows every hair on my head, and wants to give me the desires of my heart. Not because I did anything to deserve it, just because I am His.

After writing that, I feel better already.

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