The Song I Played In Our 5000 Sq. Ft Hotel Room

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We danced in the dining room. It was so romantic!

My Wonderful Birthday

My birthday was Saturday and I had the most amazing day! It was just awesome. I got to go to Mass at the Carmelites with my son John Paul, and my friend Ellen and her son. Then I got to spend time with my spiritual director. I love my time with her, it is so precious to me. She is my best friend and mentor.

In the afternoon I took my two youngest girls to Chuck E Cheese for a mission child's birthday party. It was absolutely insane, about five hundred kids and their parents, twenty birthday parties all going on at the same time, one hundred crying children, and lots and lots of noise. And my girls had a ball. Teresa cried because she didn't want to leave.

Then the best thing of all!! My hubby and I went to spend the night at the Hyatt. He got an off season deal on their VIP suite and surprised me. 5000 sq. ft of a suite! Bigger than my house. Two bathrooms, a dining room, a bar area, a sitting area. A jacuzzi tub, stereo system, flat screen tv... the works. It was amazing!!! He also took me out to dinner, but I could not get over that room!! At night from the window of the sitting room I could see the city of Buffalo, the lights were so amazing. It was stunningly beautiful. I felt like a queen.

Do I have the best husband in the world or what? Oh, did I mention that he had two dozen roses waiting for me on the bed, two dozen purple roses, my favorite color. And a romantic card.

Is there any question why we have been married twenty years! The man outdoes himself every time. He gets better and better.

It was the best birthday I ever had. Thank You God for my hubby, my spiritual mama, my children and my family. And a special thanks for my friends near and far who sent many greetings. I am a blessed, blessed woman.

Lighter, Fluffier Me, Well, Maybe Not

I have been writing such serious stuff lately, I thought maybe I would write something a bit more light. But I have to write about the things I think about,or am going through, and lately, it hasn't been light.

Today, I was thinking that I need to shut up. Sometimes, I just need to shut up. I don't allow the kids to use that phrase, in fact, in our household it is equivalent to a four letter word. But it is appropriate in this case.

I decided today that I need to stop myself from saying what I am thinking sometimes. I wish I had a built-in pause button, so I could stop to think, "Are you about to say something negative about someone?", and if the answer is "Yes", I would then redirect myself. And stop the verbal garbage from coming out.

Did you ever notice that even if you catch yourself in the middle of it, and you are standing there thinking, "I know I shouldn't be saying these things, maybe I should just stop now", a part of you thinks, "What the hay, I am already into this, why stop now?" and that is the part of you that wins out. Even if the teensy, weensy part of you is feeling like it took a football to the gut, you just can't stop the verbal diarrhea.

So, during Mass today, I prayed that God would help me to change this in myself. That even if I forget and am in the middle of it, I will have the strength and grace to stop. Apologize and change the subject. Sometimes, I feel like St. Faustina, who became discouraged when resolving to change something and then totally blowing it in the first hour. I, even more than St. Faustina, rely on myself. And I can't do that.

I need God to change my heart. I need God to change my thoughts. That is where the damage starts. In my heart and in my mind.

But I know one thing for sure, it has to change, right here, right now. And I need God's grace to do that. I am working on my holiness. With God's guidance, grace and love.

Even though like St. Faustina, I know once I get through one obstacle, ten more will take it's place. Life. Leads us to heaven, right?

Beautiful Funeral

Penny's funeral yesterday was so beautiful. The church was full and it was just so wonderful to see all the lives she touched through the years.

Today I feel a bit empty. It's weird. When you concentrate on one thing for weeks at a time and then it's gone. Just so strange. Some moments I feel like a fish out of water.

It doesn't help that the dryer still isn't fixed. And it looks like my hubby's car has pretty bad issues.

Our days have been long. Sometimes I feel like I am on a ride that doesn't stop and I am going nowhere! And everything I touch breaks on it!!!!!

I was hoping for a snow day tomorrow. Maybe catch up on a few things. But I forget. We live in Buffalo. Not even snow days go the way you want here!!!

Fasting from my computer again tomorrow. Be back on Saturday hopefully! God willing.

Friday. I will be offering it all up!

Sending My Penny's Soul Off Tomorrow

Tomorrow we will send my dear friend's soul off to heaven. We are having her funeral Mass tomorrow morning. We have a viewing first, then the Mass. Please pray for me.

You all know I am happy for Penny. And a bit jealous too. I mean, she is talking with Jesus. She doesn't have any more worries about bills, or illness, or anything. Just Jesus.

At the same time. I miss her. I miss taking care of her. I miss talking with her. The sense of loss is greater at times than others.

So please pray for me. Tomorrow is going to be a day. And a half.

Jesus, I trust in You.

The Devil Is After Meeeeee!

Must be doing something right. The devil has taken two vehicles and a dryer from me. My husband is not allowing me to touch appliances or anything with a motor. This could work out in my favor as a stove is an appliance, as is the dishwasher!!!

Our van needed repairs and until today was out of commission for almost three weeks. At the end of the week our other car lost it's power steering. And then the last straw. Saturday night the dryer was going round and round, but no heat. This is a disaster in a family that has ten people who have become accustomed to wearing clothing.

And then I realized yesterday why this was happening. As I sat next to my candidate at the Rite of Election, my candidate who had been a drug addict for many, many years. Who had many children, with many different fathers, but has been clean for a long time, and starting life on her own, without a man living with her. My candidate who is excited about becoming Catholic and belonging to God now. She wants my hubby and I to be her youngest two children's Godparents. Yeah, that is why the devil hates me. I took a big time player from him. Helped bring her back to God.

No wonder. Just in case, the children must bring me my juice or hot tea. The refrigerator and the microwave are off limits to me. Until after the Easter Vigil.

Thank You All

I just want to thank you all for your prayers. They mean so much to me. I gave up the computer, my ipod, television and texting on Fridays during Lent, so I couldn't write yesterday. I was so disoriented. Not just because I couldn't write, but because I have been organizing my life each day so that my household would run smoothly and I could get out to see Penny.

Yesterday for the first time, there was no Penny to see. I stood in our supermarket and wanted to cry. Usually I am rushing, thinking ahead, and I thought, "I don't have to rush anymore". She's gone.

It was so sad. But again, I am so happy for Penny. One of my friends hugged me yesterday and said, "Just think, she is talking about you right now with Jesus." That does excite me! I talked to Him all day yesterday. Just laid down in front of Him and prayed during Adoration. I took this journey with Him. And when I sat next to Penny and stroked her hair as she lay dying, I thought, "He finally has given me my desire, to sit at the foot of the cross! To be Mary Magdalene, to be St. John!!!!!" As far back as I can remember, maybe even as a child when we would do the Stations of the Cross during Lent, I wanted to be those two. I wanted to be there to comfort Our Lord.

On Thursday, He gave me the desires of my heart. Thank You Jesus.