Thursday, April 23, 2009

Joy


On Divine Mercy Sunday, this past Sunday, our priest at the mission, Fr. Jack, gave a slam dunk homily.

Fr. Jack likes to make three points in his homily. This time he talked about how the missionaries and everyone present needed to work on three things in the coming year. He spoke of how we needed to be more joyful, more peaceful and more sacrificial.

Afterwards I heard some of the missionaries saying that they had the joy and peace stuff down, but the sacrificial was hard for them.

Not me. Today I am going to start with joy. Being joyful. Under all circumstances.

THAT IS NOT EASY!

Especially for me. I don't know about any of you ladies, (sorry guys, skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to hear about hormones), but sometimes my hormones will not let me feel joy. Let me just say one word here: menapause. It ain't easy. I never know if I want to cry or be angry. How can a person be joyful when everyone around her is doing things on purpose to tick her off?! I mean come on. 5 males in the house and not a one knows how to put down a toilet seat.

But I digress. My problem is this. I am emotional. Can't help it. Been that way all of my life. I inherited it from my mother and her side of the family. Now by the grace of God, I am doing much better. Many healings and grace-filled moments later, and I am a much different woman. Yet I can still let my feelings get the best of me, and I lose my joy.

Oh, I always start out okay. I will be serving with laughter and joy, and then, WHOMP. The devil comes in and pulls the rug out from underneath me. And I let him. You think I wouldn't still be falling for his same old tricks. There are alot of times when I don't. I just tell him to go back to hell where he belongs and I continue serving with love. But there are still too many moments where he can still get me. He knows which buttons to push.

I pray to St. Michael. Ask my guardian angel to help me. But there I will be, with a grim look on my face and really bad thoughts in my heart and mind.

Then I go home and get mad at myself. Why did I let him get to me? What a failure I am.

Not really. God doesn't see me as a failure. He sees me trying and when I fall, I can come to Him and He will hold me and let me know that I am loved. Then He expects me to go out and try again.

Because we are never failures as long as we get up and try again. Even if we try over and over. Sometimes we will serve each other with joy. Sometimes we will let envy, jealousy, and pride literally steal our joy.

We need to keep our eyes on the cross. If I keep my eyes on Jesus then I can remember Who I am doing it for, and Who is with me. I am never alone.

I see my eyes straying all the time. I am such a weak human being. We all are. But He chooses the weak and the foolish to do His work. To do His work with joy.

One day at a time. Today I choose to follow You. As for me and my house, we will serve You.

With joy.

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