I feel so much better. Because I went to confession today. I needed to do that. After a couple of weeks of struggling, I had spiritual direction today and then I went to Adoration. During my Adoration time I just kept trying to pray and pray about what my director and I spoke about, but I felt blocked. Like there was a wall there that grace could not penetrate. And all of a sudden I realized that I needed to go to confession. I had to make some quick decisions because I had other things going on, but I kept feeling the pull to run to the church where I knew confessions would soon be going on.
So I went and stood in line. And thought about all of the obstacles of sin that were tying me down. I knew that the first thing I had to confess was the amount of time it had been since my last confession. I didn't think about the exact day of my last confession, but I figured it to be a couple of months, and that is way too long. Afterwards, I realized that my last confession was in June. In June. No way that I should have waited that long. I know that now.
And I cried as I confessed. I had to get these things off of me, and I really felt Jesus' presence through the priest. I was giving it all to Him. After the last couple of weeks of really struggling during Adoration, feeling like He wasn't there, like I couldn't trust myself to hear His voice, I left the confessional after being absolved and knelt in front of the monstrance, and I heard these words, "Welcome back my daughter". I was free. Free from the sin that had weighed me down.
I feel lighter. My load is not as heavy. No, all of my problems have not been solved, in fact it has been really crazy in my home today! Lots of stupid things to stress a person out. But spiritually, I am so much better, and when I am spiritually better, I can handle the piddly day to day stuff.
So learn from me people. Don't wait forever. Go. You will feel better. Trust me on that one!
Just another reason why I love being Catholic. Aaaah, confession. It does a soul good.