I am in a time of consolation. I love this time. It's like a honeymoon with God. It feels great this time because the suffering was pretty bad, the attack was awful.
Ok, so I am going to say this probably a few times on my blog. I am not a theologian. I am not an academic, heck, sometimes I stand in the supermarket and I can't even remember what I went shopping for.
But when it comes to my faith, I know what I know. I have experienced much grace, I have experienced sufferings and consolations. I have lived through attacks from satan and I have dealt with generational demons. I don't need high fulootin books to tell me that these things exist. It's my life.
I could have turned out a whole lot different, but the Hand of God saved me. I grew up in a mixed up, dysfunctional household. I experienced a lot of things way before my time. I could tell you stories that would make your straight hair, curly, but none of that really matters.
What matters is this. God took a girl who needed mothering and taught her Himself, how to be a mother. God took a girl who had the possibilities of being a wild, free spirit, and tamed her into a one-man woman with responsibilities and a house full of kids.
And if that wasn't enough, He formed her into a missionary. Because when He lights the fire in your heart, when you burn with love for Him, you want to bring Him more, and more, and more souls. As many as your arms can carry. And that is a heavy load. And while you are walking that path, that very narrow path, satan is beating you, with whispers and words, telling you that you can't do it, shouldn't do it, WON'T do it.
Satan wants us to be like him. "I won't serve". Sometimes when I sit in Adoration and I am struggling and bawling my eyes out, all I can muster up are these three words, "I WILL SERVE." And I say them over and over. Because no matter what, I believe that He will give me the graces I need to serve. I am weak, He is strong. He uses a weak, pathetic, no nothing girl like me so that He shines. Not me. And that is the way it should be.
Love is all that matters my friends. God is Love. He is all that matters. I don't have scientific proof, a list of resources or a picture of God in action. Only the story of a woman who could have turned out really bad, but turned out to be a missionary mother of nine, loving God and His poor.
I WILL SERVE.